A couple of weeks ago I was interviewed on a local radio station for the launch of my book Chaos to Control. The show’s presenter was fascinated when I told him I have morning and night time checklists for my kids aged 6 and 8. He asked me was I not taking things a step too far.
There I was, sitting in the studio neat as a pin looking like Brie Vandicamp (from Desperate Housewives) and I thought to myself, this guy really doesn’t know me. He doesn’t realize that without these little routines and systems I have created that my life is uncontrollable chaos. But I sat there up keeping my image of the calm, in control mother who works from home half her week and has systems and routines set up to control the instinctual animals that are her boys.
Morning time was mayhem; one of my boys has an allergy to morning times and tries without too much effort to bring us all down to his level. Fighting, nagging, stress a.k.a Mornings! Have you made your beds? Have you brushed your teeth? Don’t throw your pyjamas on the sitting room floor; put your breakfast dishes in the sink, sound familiar? And it’s not just once we have to say these things it could be five times each instruction and maybe five times each child, my stress levels are rising just thinking about it!
One morning I thought to myself, as the nervous breakdown beckoned, what if I stop shouting and nagging and put my energy into creating a list of all the things they have to remember in the morning, this will save my sanity and help keep the boys calmer and more in control of their own lives.
It worked so much better than expected, I couldn’t get over how excited they were at 6 and 8 I thought they would laugh at the idea but they embraced it will full enthusiasm. One of the first evenings after we introduced the checklists my eight year old was getting ready to have a bath and he came into the bathroom full of excitement and said “oh I love lists, hang on I just have to tick the box I’m getting my pyjamas ready for after my bath” Wow this really works.
So the message for today is routine, kids love routine they thrive on structure and stability and routines give them that. The comfort of knowing what comes next and even better if they have the control and responsibility. They have the power to make the choice what to do next.
Such a simple technique has had profound effects on my life, believe me when I say that this simple change has probably had the biggest positive impact on the whole family in the past year.
The Next Phase
If I have to be honest the enthusiasm from my 8 year old is waning as the secretary in his school will tell you he has forgotten to pack his lunch in a couple of times this month. Now maybe you think that is my responsibility but at eight I believe he should be responsible for his own school bag and on his checklist stands: Lunch in Bag.
Being impatient like his mother he has a tendency to check the box before even doing the task in an effort to save time. I think I may have to move the checklist to the next level and include a reward system. Yes that is correct; I managed to have this without a rewards system for a couple of months, the only motivation for completing the list being the gratification of ticking boxes. Maybe it’s time that their hard work and dedication is rewarded, I’ll try anything as I certainly ain’t going back to the previous system: CHAOS